Daddy

- Daddy -

By Wilson Liew

Nature flourished as spring showered its gift of life
Summer scorched the earth and made everyone yearn for a dive
Leaves scatter in autumn’s cradle
Yet still there is no hope coming from winter’s saddle.

I always see them
Fathers reaching out for their children without feelings of sham.

I’ve seen it
Fathers lending their children their ears without throwing a fit.

I’ve always known
That instead of bad ones good fathers have good qualities shown.

I am so sick
Of that abusive prick
Within that fear-filled dome
Of a home.

I loathe, I hate
Seeing other’s with their fathers, as close as the threads of fate
I cry, I envy
Seeing their parents together, all lovey-dovey.

I had been observing
Noticing and keeping in mind of everything.

You sure are a good husband
Helping your partner to carry her luggage like she’s your diamond
Unlike my father
To him she is no more than trash, my mother.

You sure are a good dad
For your child’s comfort and safety, onto your car seat a child’s seat you add
Unlike mine
Although I am quite fine.

I try so hard so that you will notice me
Yet I only ebb and flow in your eyes, like the sea.

I hate myself for being pathetic
Unable to even greet you, I must seem apathetic
I want to apologise, but as they say,” Say sorry,
Off it goes on a lorry.”

I swear on my life
To be of some value to you, I will strive
So that I can be like Sherry, Sue and Eddy
To have a figure I can call ‘Daddy’.

Interpretation

1st Verse
I’ve waited for over a year, all 4 seasons have passed.

2nd Verse
I always see fathers who don’t prioritize their pride but instead their children.

3rd Verse
I always see fathers who would spare time to listen to their child’s woes and try their best to comprehend without treating everything in such a hostile manner.

4th Verse
Others have civilised fathers who are polite, courteous and self-conscious.

5th Verse
I really hate my abusive father and my home.

6th Verse
I loathe, hate and ridicule myself out of envy towards others who have loving and caring fathers.

7th Verse
I’ve always been keeping an eye on you, keeping note of every good quality he can pull off.

8th Verse
He really is but a good husband, helping his wife out whenever she needs him. Unlike my father, with whom his wife is only a mere slave, a doll.

9th Verse
He really is a good father as well; he even added a special seat for toddlers in his car, unlike my father who only tries to buy my feelings with expensive insincere gifts. Even so, I am mature enough to not be bothered anymore. It’s more of a nuisance now.

10th Verse
I strived so hard to impress him, but failed miserably all the time.

11th Verse
I hate myself for being such a sissy, a coward. I can’t even greet him. Darn, he must have thought of me as apathetic. I wish I could apologise, but as people say, saying sorry is just plain cheap. Doesn’t recover your status or change the impression you have made.

12th Verse
I resolve that one day I am of equal value as a son to him, and I will try even harder to achieve that. Hopefully I can call him Daddy one day, just like how Sharon, Susan and Edbert call their fathers.

Imagery
[Credits to Tallgeese from GFAQs for ripping the images off the video game Persona 3]
4th of the Major Arcana in Tarot, The Emperor – he symbolizes fathering, discipline, authority and control in my life.

17th of the Major Arcana in Tarot, The Star – he also symbolizes hope for me. It is in him that I embed the hope of one day having a real father.

19th of the Major Arcana in Tarot, The Sun – consequently with the hope he provides, it also instills optimism, enthusiasm, assurance and vitality in me, resulting in personal power.